Only a mothe r could love this liver
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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