Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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