That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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