I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dear god my vagina.
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