im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize