Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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