remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
whose ass print is on the piano?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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