She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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