I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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