He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
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How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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