My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize