Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
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And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
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He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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