new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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