Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
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It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
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I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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