can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I looked at my own cervix.
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
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