dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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