put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize