Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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