I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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