hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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