I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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