she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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