Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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