apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize