Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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