At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
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..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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