Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
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There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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