I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
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i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
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Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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