we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize