Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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