you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize