"it" just moved
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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