I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm getting married
To pizza
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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