We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
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Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
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Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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