There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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