Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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