I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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