just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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