Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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