Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
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u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
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if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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