I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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