When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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