you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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