I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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