you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize