i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize