some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize