I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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