fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize