My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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